In conclusion, it is important to remember that toxic abusers love to maintain control in whatever way they can. They may isolate you (Your friends and family suddenly are not good enough anymore. “They are abusing your good nature and are out to get you or hurt you and I (the narcissist) will not allow you to be hurt. I am only trying to protect you”), maintain control over your finances and social networks (“You see, it’s because of you always being on Facebook that this is happening, you know how jealous I can get”), and micro-manage every facet of your life (often to the extent of deciding what you eat and wear). Yet, the most powerful mechanism they have for control is toying with your emotions.

That is why toxic people manufacture situations of conflict out of thin air to keep you feeling off-centre and of- balanced. That is why they chronically engage in disagreements about irrelevant things and rage over perceived slights. That is why they emotionally withdraw, only to re idealize you once they start to lose control. That is why they vacillate between their false self and their true self, so you never get a sense of psychological safety or certainty about who your partner truly is.

The more power they have over your emotions, the less likely you will trust your own reality and the truth about the abuse you are enduring. Knowing the manipulative tactics and how they work to erode your sense of self can arm you with the knowledge of what you’re facing and, at the very least, develop a plan to regain control over your own life and away from toxic people.